Chronic insomnia can persist for years, even when medical tests show nothing abnormal.
This story describes how psychotherapy helped restore sleep for a man who had struggled with severe insomnia for nearly ten years — after medications and medical treatments had failed.


A Doctor Who Could Not Help Her Patient Sleep

She is a 54-year-old family physician and the head of a family medicine department.

She leads a team of twelve doctors.

Positions like this are usually held by highly experienced physicians — people who combine strong clinical skills with significant managerial responsibility.

She is also one of my students.

I taught a postgraduate course called “Psychotherapy in Family Medicine Practice: Concepts and Techniques.”

That is how we met.

One day she told me:

“Olga, I need your help,” she said. “I have a very difficult patient, and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore… and neither does anyone else.”

She paused.

“He has already been seen by two neurologists and a psychiatrist. He has had every possible laboratory test, ultrasound, and MRI.

He has tried antidepressants, tranquilizers, high doses of sleeping pills, melatonin, vitamins, magnesium… but he still cannot sleep.”

She said they had even held several medical consultations to discuss the case.

“Nothing helps,” she said quietly.

Then she added something unexpected.

“I know he is suffering. I know he needs help. But I feel completely powerless. And I’m ashamed to admit this… but when I know he is coming for an appointment, I sometimes find a reason not to see him.

I say I’ve been called to an urgent case, or that I need to go to the Ministry of Health. Then one of my colleagues sees him instead.”

That was how I first heard about John.


The First Meeting With The Patient

His name John.

When he entered my office, I saw an exhausted 63-year-old man sitting across from me — pale, thin, with tired eyes that had almost lost hope.

Ten years without normal sleep can do that to a person.

Over the years he had tried everything.

Besides consulting numerous doctors, he had also visited astrologers, naturopaths, reflexologists, physiotherapists, and massage therapists.

When people suffer long enough, they often begin searching for answers anywhere they can.

But nothing changed.

John simply could not fall asleep.


When Night Becomes Torture

At night, when he went to bed, sleep would not come — no matter what he tried.

Often he could not fall asleep until morning for two or three nights in a row.

Those long hours in the dark gradually turned into a nightmare for him.

Night after night became a quiet form of torture.

As evening approached, he began to feel anxious.

Because prolonged sleep deprivation is not merely uncomfortable. It is an intense physical and psychological strain that gradually breaks both mind and body.

In fact, experts in medicine and psychology recognize that deliberate sleep deprivation — used in some totalitarian regimes — is considered a form of torture.

But in John’s case, no one was depriving him of sleep.

His body simply could not fall asleep.

He might stay awake one night, then the next, sometimes even the third. Eventually his body would collapse into sleep from exhaustion and he would sleep five or six hours.

Then the cycle began again.

People often ask: “Why not sleep during the day?”

He tried.

But he could not fall asleep then either.


How Chronic Insomnia Affects the Body and Mental Health

Long-term insomnia affects the entire body and a person’s entire life.

Scientific research in sleep medicine has shown that chronic insomnia is a significant risk factor for high blood pressure, a weakened immune system, digestive disturbances, and many other health problems. It can also gradually lead to anxiety and, over time, depression.

Over time, sleep deprivation becomes a serious medical and psychological problem.

When a person cannot sleep for months or years, their nervous system remains in a constant state of tension, which further worsens insomnia.


The Consequences Of Chronic Insomnia

Over the years, the consequences of chronic insomnia began destroying John's health.

His blood pressure increased.
He developed gastrointestinal problems — chronic gastritis, bile duct dysfunction, and chronic colitis.
He often caught colds.

And gradually, depression appeared.

His mood was constantly low.
He had little energy or interest in anything.
He began to feel like a burden to his family.
His appetite disappeared, and he lost weight.


Looking For The Real Beginning Of The Problem

To understand his insomnia, we had to go back many years — to a moment that changed his life.

So I asked a question that is often crucial in complex cases:

When exactly did the insomnia begin?

What he told me explained everything.

The answer took us about ten years into the past.

John had worked his entire life as an engineer in a factory.

The job was demanding, but he was successful. Over time he became a plant manager, respected by colleagues and valued by leadership.

Life was moving forward.

Then something happened.

A serious incident occurred at the factory.

John was not responsible for it, but he was made the scapegoat.

An investigation began. It lasted a long time.

For months he lived with the fear of being sent to prison for something he had not done.

It was the greatest stress of his life.

And that was when his sleep disappeared.


When The Stress Ends — But The Body Does Not Recover

Eventually the accusations were dropped.

But by that time everything had changed.

Because of the insomnia, declining health, and psychological exhaustion, John could not return to work.

He retired.

From the outside, life now looked calm.

There were no financial problems.
His family relationships were good.
Friends were supportive.

Logically, he should have been able to sleep peacefully.

But he could not.

For nearly ten years he tried everything.

And his insomnia only grew worse.

By the time he came to see me, he had almost stopped believing that sleep would ever return to his life.

For him, night had become something to survive rather than something to rest in.

But when I listened carefully to his story, something important became clear.

The problem was not only the insomnia itself.


What I Began To Understand

After listening carefully and asking many detailed questions, a hypothesis began forming in my mind.

When the workplace crisis began, his nervous system entered a state of extreme stress.

This is normal.

When the brain perceives danger, the sympathetic nervous system activates — the classic fight-or-flight response. In this state, the body is not designed to sleep.

The problem was that even after the external stress and danger had long been over, his nervous system and body never returned to a state of safety and rest.

And this happens to many people after long periods of stress.

Even years later, his body behaved as if the threat were still present.

And each evening a new thought appeared:

“What if I don’t sleep again tonight?”

That thought and fiar it created were enough to keep the nervous system in a state of hyper-arousal.

His body had simply forgotten how to switch back into rest mode.


The Key Step: Restoring A Sense Of Safety

The first step in our work was to explore what might have been happening in his nervous system.

I explained to John how prolonged stress influenced his body and keep the nervous system in a state of hyper-arousal.

He understood intellectually that the danger was over, but his body did not.

Our goal was to help this understanding reach deeper levels — not just as an idea, but as a felt sense of safety in the body.

I spoke slowly and calmly, giving him time to absorb each idea.

Gradually, his body began to relax.


Changing The Fear Of The Night

Another important part of the work involved his thoughts before sleep.

Every evening he anticipated another night of torture.

These thoughts kept his nervous system activated.

So we made an unusual agreement.

He would stop trying to force sleep.

Instead he would tell himself:

“If I don’t sleep tonight, that’s okay. I’ve survived hundreds of nights like this.”

Paradoxically, this reduced his anxiety.

For the first time in many years, he stopped fighting the night.

When the fear of sleeplessness disappeared, the nervous system could finally begin to calm down.


Teaching The Body How To Relax Again

During several sessions I also taught him autogenic training.

This method was widely used in European psychotherapy, particularly in Eastern Europe, but is less known in North America.

It combines techniques of deep relaxation with elements of self-suggestion.

The principle is simple but powerful:

The person focuses attention on relaxation, bodily sensations, and the deliberate (self-induced) creation of certain sensations in the body, gradually allowing deep physical relaxation to develop.

With practice, many people learn to guide their nervous system into this state within a few minutes.

In that state, falling asleep becomes almost impossible to resist.


The Results: When Sleep Finally Returned

The entire course of psychotherapy lasted nine sessions.

After the third session, John’s fear of nighttime decreased and later disappeared.

After the sixth session, he began falling asleep within about ninety minutes.

After the eighth session he was falling asleep within ten minutes — something that had not happened in almost ten years.

Every night.

Three years later I met his family doctor again.

She told me that John was sleeping well, had no signs of depression or anxiety, and his physical health had significantly improved.


Why Doctors Could Not Solve His Chronic Insomnia

Unfortunately, John’s case is far from unique.

Situations like this occur more often than people think.

Patients may suffer for years from symptoms such as insomnia, chronic pain, digestive problems, or persistent anxiety, even when medical examinations show nothing seriously wrong.

Sometimes the underlying mechanism of the symptoms is interpreted only partially.

In John’s case, a psychiatrist correctly identified that he was experiencing depression — and insomnia is indeed one of the most common symptoms of depression.

Based on the symptoms he presented, prescribing antidepressant medication was a reasonable medical decision.

The medication temporarily improved his sleep.

However, each time the treatment ended, the insomnia returned.

This suggested that something deeper was maintaining the problem.

Over time, persistent insomnia, exhaustion, and the growing sense of helplessness about sleep had themselves contributed to the development of depression — rather than the other way around.

Research in psychosomatic medicine and stress physiology shows that long-term activation of the nervous system can keep the body in a state of chronic alertness.

When the nervous system remains stuck in a “fight-or-flight” mode, the body cannot fully shift into the restorative processes required for deep, natural sleep.


What Truly Changed John's Life

Several key elements of our work contributed to this change:

• helping him gradually process the impact of the past trauma
• restoring a sense of safety in his body
• learning techniques that allowed his nervous system to relax again
• developing tools he could continue using on his own

Once sleep returned, everything else began to improve.

His depression disappeared without antidepressants.
His physical health improved.
His energy returned.
His family said it felt as if he had come back to life.


A Gentle Note To The Reader

If you recognize something of your own experience in this story, you are not alone.

Many people struggle with insomnia, anxiety, or the lingering effects of long-past stress or trauma.

Sometimes the body simply needs help returning to a state of safety and balance.

And when that happens, recovery can sometimes come much faster than people expect.

Psychotherapy can address the deeper mechanisms behind chronic insomnia — especially when stress, trauma, or long-term nervous system activation are involved.


When to Seek Help for Insomnia

If insomnia lasts for several weeks or months and begins to affect your health, mood, or daily functioning, it may be helpful to seek professional support.

Chronic sleep problems often involve both physiological and psychological mechanisms.

Addressing both can significantly improve recovery.

Sleep problems are treatable, and many people are able to restore healthy sleep with the right support.

If you would like to explore the causes of your insomnia and possible ways to restore healthy sleep, you are welcome to book a consultation.

#insomnia #chronicinsomnia #sleepdisorder #sleeprecovery #psychotherapy
#mentalhealth #sleephealth #traumahealing #nervoussystem #stressrecovery

“I blame myself for never being able to stand up to my mother.” This was what Julia said this during one of our very first sessions.

She is 35 years old. She came to therapy after, as she described it, “losing everything” in her life within just a few months — her husband, her home, her job… and, in a deeper sense, her family.

Her parents and relatives are still alive.

And yet, for Julia, they are no longer truly present in her life. She cannot rely on them, trust them, or be emotionally close to them.

In a very short period of time, her entire world collapsed.

And she blamed only one person for it — herself.

Many people who experienced childhood trauma find themselves asking:

“Why do I blame myself for what happened to me?”

Looking Back: Childhood Trauma and Family Stress

When Julia was a child, her parents emigrated to Germany. They told her it was for her future — for better opportunities and a better life.

But life in the new country did not turn out the way they had hoped.

Her parents, once successful and respected professionals, struggled deeply in Germany. Their qualifications were not recognized. They had to start over from the beginning.

For many years, they worked in jobs far below their abilities. This created not only financial pressure, but also deep emotional strain. And they were not prepared for it.

Tension filled the home.

Julia’s mother expressed her frustration through anger — often directed at her husband and her daughter.

Eventually, the family broke apart. Her father left for good.

Julia wanted to stay with her father, but her mother did not allow it. And all the adults around her insisted she stay with her mother.

And she had no power to resist.

Living in Fear: The Effects of Emotional and Physical Abuse

Her mother could shout, punish, and even physically hurt her — sometimes for very small things:
a misplaced item, a school grade, even the way Julia looked at her.

Julia was terrified. And she endured it.

She withdrew into herself, suppressed her emotions, and kept going.

Even when the violence became severe — severe enough that she needed medical care — she remained silent. Her mother would tell doctors that Julia had simply fallen.

And Julia said nothing.

This kind of experience is often described as emotional abuse, especially when a child grows up with a controlling or unpredictable parent.

A Childhood Memory That Reflects Trauma and Fear

Julia once described her experience in a way that says more than any explanation:

“When I was 17, I used to walk home alone late at night through a dark, empty park.
Later I found out that several women had been attacked and killed there.

And still… I was not afraid to walk through that park.

But when I heard my mother unlocking the door after work, I would freeze with fear.

Why Do We Blame Ourselves After Childhood Trauma?

As an adult, Julia continued to blame herself.

This kind of self-blame is very common in people who experienced childhood trauma.

She believed that everything in her life had gone wrong because, as a child, she “failed” to stand up to her mother.

And here we come to a very important point.

Yes, taking responsibility for one’s life is a sign of maturity.

But Julia was not an adult then. She was just a child.

Can a Child Be Responsible? A Key Psychological Insight

In our work together, we explored an essential idea from humanistic psychology.

Carl Rogers, one of the founders of this approach, expressed a fundamental principle:

A person always does the best they can in the situation they are in.

Even if, from the outside, it may seem that someone “should have acted differently,”
in reality, every decision we make is shaped by the resources available to us at that moment:

• our age
• our level of emotional and physical safety
• whether we have support or are alone
• our level of independence or dependence
• our personality and psychological strengths
• the pressure we are facing

And many other factors.

A child in a situation of fear, dependence, and pressure does not have the same choices as an adult.

Why Self-Blame Is Misleading and Harmful

It is very important to understand:

we always do what we can, based on the circumstances we are in at that time.

Self-blame often ignores this reality.

It judges the past with the knowledge, strength, and perspective we have today.

But we did not have those resources back then.

How Healing from Childhood Trauma Begins

Our work with Julia has only just begun.

Healing from from complex, long-term childhood trauma is a gradual process that requires time, safety, and support. It is not something that can be changed in just a few sessions.

Yet even at this early stage, something important has already begun to shift.

She is starting to understand that, as a child — fully dependent on a controlling and manipulative parent — she could not have done more than she did.

And at the first time, instead of anger toward herself, self-rejection, and self-blame, she is beginning to experience something different:

• understanding
• compassion
• and even a sense of care toward her younger self.

This is only the beginning. But it already makes a meaningful difference — softening her inner world, and giving her more strength and space to live.

How to Stop Blaming Yourself for the Past

If this story resonates with you, it may be important to pause and ask yourself:

Are you judging yourself for something that happened when you had fewer resources, less power, or less support?

It is not helpful to keep “punishing” yourself for past decisions.

What matters is learning to relate to yourself differently:

·  with understanding
·  with acceptance
·  and with kindness.

If You Struggle with Self-Blame or Childhood Trauma

If you see yourself in Julia’s experience, if you struggle with self-blame, past trauma, or emotional pain —

you do not have to go through this alone.

I would be glad to support you in this process.

If you feel ready, you are welcome to book a consultation and take the first step toward a different experience.

Therapy can help you understand your past, reduce self-blame, and begin healing from childhood trauma in a safe and supportive way.